Unexpected Feelings

We've been "OFFICIAL" now since 10/14 when we heard we got our approval from the court.  There have been many times I've been upset that I have to get "permission" from a person/government to be a mom.  No offense to those out there reading this that can have their own kids whenever they choose to try,  but to not only have that "want to" taken away, but then to have to SUBMIT your ENTIRE life on paper to an agency, to a case worker, to their boss, and to a court judge, to sign off and pray that all 30 people decide you're "good enough" to be parents.....it's humbling and maddening and frankly, has pissed me off on numerous occasions....AND has, at times, made me question why we're doing this.  Surly if God wanted us to be parents he would have made it happen WITHOUT everyone's approval!!  But then, I look at my own story. My parents were unable to have kids biologically due to medical reasons; clearly, though, God had a plan for our family!  But there's something about KNOWING it and ACCEPTING it that are two entirely different things.

So imagine every phone call from our case worker that said "I've approved you, my supervisor is looking it over", to "my supervisor approved you, we sent it to the court", to (after what seemed like endless waiting) the phone call with the court clerk "The judge signed off on it, you're approved!", to our case worker again "We got it, you're certified and it's in the mail".  After every one of those calls, it was like I wanted to throw a party.  Here I was, mad one second that I needed their "approval" to so completely ecstatic that they HAD approved it!!  But that was NOTHING like opening the UPS package yesterday that had our actual home study in it....notarized, legal.....with an order from the judge that we are legal and acceptable to adopt (surly, though, they could come up w/ a better word than ACCEPTABLE).  "It is ordered that the above named applicants is/are certified as acceptable to adopt children pursuant to the laws of the State of Arizona."  I just might get those words in my next tattoo LOL.  As Chris and I were in the Senor Taco parking lot getting breakfast yesterday, as I ripped the package open and turned to the "official" documents, and then could barely get the words out through my tears as I looked at him and said "they said we can be parents; they really said we can be parents!!!"  As much as I have HATED that someone has the RIGHT to tell me I can or cannot be a mom.....I cannot begin to express how good it felt to open that and see it.  After all this work, I cannot believe it is now literally just a matter of time until we really are a mom and dad.

So as if that wasn't exciting enough yesterday, we also had our last PS-MAPP class (the class which we're required by law to take in order to become certified).  It was kind of sad, actually, to be done...we felt like we graduated LOL.  We met some great people in class, other couples that are on this road with us, some with kids, most without.  Chris and I feel TRULY blessed to have met some (hopefully) life long friends in the class, Tracey and Nate, who are amazing people and just a great couple, so fun to be around!  We have already had the opportunity to be there for them when they've received some not great adoption news, and despite that, they have literally wanted to go out and celebrate as we have hit some milestones in this journey.  This morning, I woke up to the following text from Tracey, which I'm pretty sure can convey the amazing person she is.....and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a few goosebumps from it :)

How much of a better note can we end on??  Love to all, and THANK YOU for taking this ride with us!!!

***J***